XKCDB: The #xkcd Quote Database

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#4403 ⇧ (+206/-81) ⇩
<Jeffrey> An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third, a quarter of a beer. The bartender says "You're all idiots", and pours two beers.

#7566 ⇧ (+369/-164) ⇩
<practisevoodoo> the big problem with playing tf2 on a mac is that engineers are not allowed to upgrade or repair stuff, they just have to buy new ones

#1119 ⇧ (+368/-164) ⇩
London-Glen: Bananas!
London-Glen: Bananas!
vejadu: Bananas!
vejadu: Bananas!
London-Glen: Pure spite.
vejadu: well, who died and made you so influntial
vejadu: influntial
vejadu: Bananas!

#1300 ⇧ (+260/-109) ⇩
<Elyscape> also, have you considered the possibility that individuals who don't produce offspring might actually be an evolutionary benefit?
<Elyscape> Bananas!
<Elyscape> which may ultimately help other individuals survive or produce viable offspring or whatever
<Eule> Bananas!
<Elyscape> Bananas!

#1069 ⇧ (+144/-50) ⇩
<PsychoDan> I just realized that wikipedia is now influencing my dreams.
<xkcd> PsychoDan: I've been there for a while.
<PsychoDan> Bananas!
<Shrdlu> PsychoDan: This nightmare is a stub. You can help the subconscious by expanding it.
<Shrdlu> Bananas!

#2171 ⇧ (+261/-110) ⇩
<Wiseman> Bananas!
<Wiseman> Bananas!

#8087 ⇧ (+343/-152) ⇩
<&snark> Bananas!
<&snark> I replied to that post with "AND MY AXE!"
<&snark> my post has twice as many upvotes as the thoughtful post

#2001 ⇧ (+312/-137) ⇩
<&rpm> Bananas!
<@relsqui> is it a fresh banana?
<&rpm> depends on USPS times
< creature> Bananas!
<@relsqui> Bananas!
<@relsqui> that would be fun
<@relsqui> Bananas!
<&rpm> Bananas!
<&rpm> Bananas!
<&rpm> Bananas!
<&rpm> Bananas!
<@relsqui> why settle for a VIRTUAL private network
<&rpm> Bananas!

#7997 ⇧ (+181/-70) ⇩
<snark> Bananas!
<snark> wait no, he connects to an irc channel
<snark> you cannot physically enter an irc channel
<snark> anyway, so this guy, once he has entered the channel
<snark> hang on did I mention he was hispanic?
<snark> That detail will be important later
<xiaou> no
<snark> Bananas!
<snark> if you're familiar with hispanic stereotypes
<snark> anyway, where was I
<drazak> snark: actually his irc client connects
<snark> drazak: oh, right, thanks. So this guy who is hispanic has just had his irc client connect to a server, and joined a channel
<snark> I forget the name of the channle but I don't think it ended up being important
<snark> maybe it will come back to me later
<snark> Bananas!
<snark> Bananas!
<snark> Bananas!
<snark> so anyway once he has entered this channel, or rather joined it, he orders a beer
<snark> Bananas!
<snark> Bananas!
<snark> Bananas!
<snark> Bananas!
<cuddlefish> snark: give up already
<snark> well the thing is though this is where it gets funny
<snark> Bananas!
<snark> Bananas!
<snark> Bananas!
<DaMullet> snark: Allegedly
<DarkLoad> Bananas!
<snark> Bananas!

#384 ⇧ (+402/-184) ⇩
<waqjan> does Bucket do basic math?
<_LSK_> I don't know
<_LSK_> Bananas!
<Bucket> 10
<_LSK_> No.

[ Yes. ^ of course means xor, not power. --Ed. ]

#5876 ⇧ (+128/-43) ⇩
* @airtank has perfect vision
* Nikc carefully gouges out airtank's eyes, places them in his own sockets
<@airtank> (
<Nikc> Bananas!

#433 ⇧ (+450/-209) ⇩
<morner> Bananas!
<morner> Bananas!

#7796 ⇧ (+211/-86) ⇩
<Flibberdy> genewitch: Yep. I wanted to buy a really nice Logitech which lets your choose
<Flibberdy> Bananas!
<ellipsis> Flibberdy: why not just upgrade your sons hands?
<Flibberdy> ellipsis: I tried, but couldn't find a decent second-hand shop

#7411 ⇧ (+364/-165) ⇩
<&Antipathy> Bananas!
<&snark> Bananas!
<&snark> I forget how those things work

#8195 ⇧ (+265/-114) ⇩
< Caffeine> DNA is the sourcecode of life. Growing up is compiling. Puberty is debugging. Dying is the deletion of ancient code clugging the system.
< PaladinSL> Bananas!
< Joker> Caffeine: What's a midlife crisis?
< Sigma> Bananas!

#8131 ⇧ (+294/-129) ⇩
<mysss> Bananas!
<mysss> Bananas!
<coaxmetal> Knight to 17Q
<Brooklynxman> King me. BINGO!
<mysss> you sunk my star destroyer!
<coaxmetal> Bananas!
<vebyast> I cast magic missile at the Red Queen.
<dinosplosion> I seduce black's kobold
<ReishGaluta> Bananas!
<Brooklynxman> full house, I checkmate your ace of spades
<ReishGaluta> Bananas!
<coaxmetal> Ok, I get 3 wheat and 2 stone this turn, so I roll 3D20's and change the color to Green. Uno.
<paratus> Bananas!
<ReishGaluta> Bananas!
* Bucket somehow manages to strangle himself with the fishing wire
<dinosplosion> Bananas!
<coaxmetal> Queen evolves into Col. Mustard
<Brooklynxman> Bananas!
<coaxmetal> Bananas!
<vebyast> Bananas!
<coaxmetal> actually, I don't play zerg
<ReishGaluta> Black Bishop. Corner Pocket.
<coaxmetal> Rook takes the flag. FINISH HIM.
<Brooklynxman> Bananas!
* ReishGaluta rolls three 6's and conquers all of Asia. Yahtzee!
<vebyast> Bananas!
* Brooklynxman invades via yakutusk, sacraficing 3 pawns and a battleship
<ReishGaluta> strike 3, my bowler takes your pins. Headshot.
<Stereo> hang on, i've got a full house! snap!
<ReishGaluta> We're running low on supply centers! I'm sending my destroyer out rupee hunting.
<Stereo> Bananas!
<Stereo> Bananas!
<vebyast> I'm going to tap my full house for three hearts and two spades, then spend one of the hearts to get out of jail free and the rest to call the top hat in the middle pocket.
<ReishGaluta> Bananas!
<ReishGaluta> you can't tap a full house for 3 hearts and 2 spades.
<Stereo> not unless you're sitting on a double decker
<Stereo> in the middle of berlin, in 1942
<coaxmetal> Bananas!
<ReishGaluta> I thought we were playing under Paris conventions!
<ReishGaluta> Bananas!
* ReishGaluta grabs the Calvinball and goes home.
<Stereo> home may be base, but you can't score that way
<ReishGaluta> depends who's home
<Stereo> Bananas!
<Stereo> Bananas!
<Stereo> and pray on soulcake tuesday
<coaxmetal> Bananas!
* Lorvan uses 2 Venus Djinn to summon Ramses, one of the pyramids is destroyed
<Stereo> Bananas!
< coaxmetal> Bananas!

#826 ⇧ (+191/-76) ⇩
<%cerise> 11:40 < Bugle> [11:38] <phyphor> <postmodern> people metaquote pretty much everything now
<~relsqui> http://www.xkcdb.com/?826 <-- I win

#9286 ⇧ (+216/-89) ⇩
<gh403> Has anybody got the very first few frames of the current xkcd animation? I have most of them from my script that I wrote but I'm missing about the first two hours' worth.
<Randall> Bananas!
<Randall> I put them up on my website earlier.

#309 ⇧ (+417/-193) ⇩
<HiroP> bucket, OK is <reply>NO IT\'S NOT \YOU GODDAMN HIPPIE!!
<Bucket> Bananas!
<HiroP> Bananas!
<Bucket> I cannot access that data, hirop
<HiroP> Jesus Fucking Christ
<Bucket> Jesus Fucking Christ is our lord and fucking savior.

#7636 ⇧ (+473/-222) ⇩
< Dextralus> Bananas!
< Dextralus> Customs will not be amused
< Dextralus> And I will not get my genitalia
< bumblebee> Bananas!
< bumblebee> Bananas!

#9325 ⇧ (+148/-54) ⇩
<GreenWolf> Bananas!
<Bucket> Bananas!
<GreenWolf> Bananas!
*Bucket drops GreenWolf
<GreenWolf> Bananas!
<GreenWolf> Bananas!
*Bucket buys GreenWolf.
<GreenWolf> NO!

#6777 ⇧ (+351/-159) ⇩
< Queen_Sarah> Bananas!

[ River Jayne was born 2009-11-12 at 3.7kg and 52cm. --Ed. ]

#7222 ⇧ (+227/-95) ⇩
* Zannick gives Bucket 16777216 crayons.
* Bucket hands Zannick a guilty conscience in exchange for 16777216 crayons
< Zannick> oh god what have i done?

#972 ⇧ (+221/-92) ⇩
<ColdNeon> heissenberg was driving a car and got pulled over. he stops and the cop comes up to his car door...
<ColdNeon> he asks him 'You were going pretty fast. Do you know how fast you're going?'
<ColdNeon> Bananas!
<relsqui> okay if you're gonna tell that one I have to tell this one
<relsqui> Heisenberg, Goedel, and Chomsky walk into a bar
<relsqui> Heisenberg says, 'From the fact that we are all here I can infer that this is a joke, but cannot determine whether or not the joke is funny.'
<relsqui> Bananas!
<relsqui> and Chomsky just shakes his head sadly
<relsqui> 'No, no,' he says.
<relsqui> Bananas!

#6636 ⇧ (+161/-61) ⇩
<arienh4> Bananas!
* Bucket destroys Metal_Wolf's penis in a big flash.
<Metal_Wolf> :(
<Metal_Wolf> Bananas!

#822 ⇧ (+178/-70) ⇩
<larrygiggles> I can take on 25 kids!
<larrygiggles> Tommorrow: I go to an elementary school to test this theory out
<Bucket> I'm foreseeing unexpected sex.

#4294 ⇧ (+197/-80) ⇩
< InitHello> Bananas!
< Bucket> Slow down, you'll choke.
< InitHello> nom nom nom
< Bucket> Much better.

#7295 ⇧ (+263/-118) ⇩
<@relsqui> Bananas!
<@relsqui> Bananas!

#5504 ⇧ (+172/-69) ⇩
gameprey: oh crap
gameprey: Bananas!
Bucket: Did you check your other jacket?
gameprey: umm... no
gameprey: Bananas!
gameprey: seriously

#410 ⇧ (+189/-76) ⇩
<%shoofle> Bananas!
<%shoofle> Bananas!
<%shoofle> WHAT... is your sex?
<%shoofle> Bananas!

#4594 ⇧ (+144/-54) ⇩
<Geekthras> Bananas!
<Geekthras> Then they wake up five minutes later and they're fine.
<Geekthras> Bananas!

#10812 ⇧ (+427/-200) ⇩
* billybo has left (I can't keep eating out this giraffe.)
<CO2> wat
* billybo has joined
* billybo has left (WeeChat 1.6)
<Agafnd> Bananas!

#4625 ⇧ (+147/-56) ⇩
<snark> there was this time when a bunch of friars were having trouble making their belfry payments, so they opened a florists to try to pay the bills
<snark> they were doing very well, but the rival florist across the road started losing business. He repeatedly asked them to stop, but they wouldn't.
<snark> so eventually, he got Hugh McTaggart, the toughest ruffian in town, to pay them a visit and give them a good talking to.
<snark> Bananas!

#2413 ⇧ (+376/-174) ⇩
<@creature> I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pickpocketed.
<@creature> How could anyone stoop so low?

#9178 ⇧ (+232/-99) ⇩
<mewyn> PYTHON? C? PYTHON? C? AAAAAAHHHHH!
* ellipsis imagines mewyn frantically pointing at a big snake nobody else sees.

#10258 ⇧ (+122/-43) ⇩
< alexbuzzbee> Who maintains the xkcdb?
<@relsqui> alexbuzzbee: why?
< alexbuzzbee> Just wondering who decides what goes on?
<@relsqui> Bananas!
< CO2> alexbuzzbee: relsqui cannot be bribed, afaik
<@relsqui> Bananas!

#8088 ⇧ (+117/-41) ⇩
<Knife> Tron, have you ever been kicked out of a seminar about drugs?
<Tron> Bananas!

#9130 ⇧ (+176/-70) ⇩
< yazdmich> Bananas!
< melody> Bananas!
< melody> Bananas!
< melody> shit

#2256 ⇧ (+308/-139) ⇩
Eaglewolf joined the chat room.
<+Eaglewolf> Hi all
<-moderator> Eaglewolf, you have been muted for 4 seconds.
<+Eaglewolf> ahem... >.>
<-moderator> Bananas!
Eaglewolf is now known as Daenyth.
<+senji> oh sweet, sweet irony
<+Daenyth> Well, already this isn't going very well...
<+Daenyth> but I like it! :D
<-moderator> Bananas!
<+Dark-Fx> What is it that you enjoy?
<+Daenyth> Bananas!
<+Daenyth> Bananas!
<+Daenyth> Bananas!
<-moderator> Bananas!
<+Daenyth> Bananas!
<+tarpman> Bananas!
<+Daenyth> tarpman: thanks
<-moderator> Daenyth, you have been muted for 17 minutes 4 seconds.
<+tarpman> Bananas!
<+socksy> Bananas!
<+helene|Working> Bananas!
<-moderator> Bananas!
<+helene|Working> OK that was more explicitly ironic
socksy is now known as socksy|soworthit.
<+karanlyons> this needs to go up on xkcdb right friggin now.

<+karanlyons> Alright, let me know if I screwed something up: http://dpaste.com/71726/
<+socksy> Bananas!
<+helene|Working> yeah that was the cherry on top
<+karanlyons> Bananas!
<+socksy> Bananas!
<-moderator> Bananas!
<+karanlyons> Bananas!
<+helene|Working> Bananas!
socksy is now known as socksy|no.

moderator sets mode +v socksy
<+helene> congrats socksy. Be a man, go for 2 hours!
<+socksy> Bananas!
<-moderator> socksy, you have been muted for 2 hours 16 minutes 32 seconds.

#7272 ⇧ (+73/-20) ⇩
<luff> omg, im getting married
<luff> \o/
<nazgjunk> luff: excellent. Have you decided on someone to do it with?
<nazgjunk> (and do they know?)

#5965 ⇧ (+117/-42) ⇩
<lingrush> How do you view the banlist?
<Feriority> Bananas!
<@creature> Bananas!
<apo_> try /buns
* @snark slashes apo_'s buns
* CaptainPlatypus snarks at snark's snarks
* @snark snarks snarkily
* Bucket buckets bucketfully
<@snark> <3 Bucket
<Bucket> Bananas!
<@snark> Bananas!
<CaptainPlatypus> ...I have nothing to say to that
<Feriority> ... there's a rather beautiful symmetry there
<lingrush> That was so cute.
<luke> Bananas!

#8193 ⇧ (+189/-77) ⇩
<Velociraptor> Nuke stuff is neat - I think it's amazing you could be holding 5kg of a metal in each hand, and be safe - but bring them close enough to each other they go critical, and you die.
<MrMonster> Bananas!

#982 ⇧ (+164/-64) ⇩
marc has now stolen the keys of half his friends
InitHello: pgp or car?
marc: car keys
InitHello: Bananas!
marc: I believe this is the only place in the world that would be asked
InitHello: Bananas!

#2288 ⇧ (+139/-51) ⇩
<Mycroft> Bananas!
<Bucket> Bananas!

#283 ⇧ (+187/-77) ⇩
<warriorness> Bananas!
<warriorness> I think I'll write some poetry
<warriorness> Bananas!
<warriorness> Bananas!
<yy2bggggs> How do you do it man?
<warriorness> dye my hair black and comb it over my eye
<Bucket> dye my hair black and comb it over my thigh
<warriorness> Bananas!
<warriorness> Bananas!
<xkcd> Bananas!
<Bucket> :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
<warriorness> Bucket: dow you EVER shave down there? Dude.
<Bucket> warriorness: excuse me?
<relsqui> Bananas!
<warriorness> You head me!
<warriorness> Bananas!
<warriorness> Bananas!

#7842 ⇧ (+152/-59) ⇩
<kaolbrec> Let the insults become more and more crass!
<LolCam> Bananas!
<kaolbrec> Bananas!
<LolCam> MAKE ME, YOU UPSTANDING CITIZEN
<kaolbrec> you.. you PARAGON OF SOCIETY

#364 ⇧ (+454/-217) ⇩
<%Ephphatha> fuck I hate those anti piracy adverts on DVD's
<%Ephphatha> it makes me want to pirate movies so that I don't have to watch it

#9867 ⇧ (+113/-39) ⇩
< XMPPwocky> that lovely feeling when you typo a PID and kill returns successfully
< XMPPwocky> Bananas!

#9270 ⇧ (+186/-76) ⇩
<relsqui> .... I have no idea how I just started libreoffice from a key combo
<Stereo> ctrl+shift+ <draw a picture of freedom with the mouse>

#10827 ⇧ (+630/-309) ⇩
<+rcombs> …the Starr Report indicates that somebody ate somebody's ass in the oval office
<+rcombs> Bananas!

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