XKCDB: The #xkcd Quote Database

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#281 ⇧ (+54/-52) ⇩
<glench>such is life
<glench>like a series of spoilers
<glench>and then you become the one that spoils everything
<electoralfraud>never a truer word spoken
<glench>how about 'zero'
<electoralfraud> omg, does zero have a true/false value now? or are you just damaging my sanity?
<glench>I'm very disillusuoned and surreal right now
<electoralfraud>tell me where the numbers are first PLEASE!
<electoralfraud>i think if i ask bucket he'll know...
<electoralfraud> bucket, where are the numbers?
<bucket>only the users may know, electoralfraud
<electoralfraud>true true... nobody should enter a factiod for that. its perfect
<electoralfraud>OMG! bucket has gone beyond human sentience!
<glench>finally; I've been waiting for our singularity for so long
<glench> bucket, what is the singularity?
<airtank> HOLY SHIT!
<bucket>I cannot access that data, glench

#9565 ⇧ (+40/-26) ⇩
<jonty-comp> something keeps interfering with our wireless doorbell
<jonty-comp> normally it just goes "ding dong" in a synthesized tone when someone rings the ringer
<jonty-comp> but about once a day since last week sometime it keeps playing twinkle twinkle completely randomly, like it's posessed
<IceKarma> haha
<jonty-comp> it doesn't even make sense since the jingle it plays is selected by a slider on the back
<jonty-comp> and it's set firmly to ding-dong mode
<barometz> is twinkle twinkle even one of the options?
<jonty-comp> I...don't know
* jonty-comp goes to look
<IceKarma> I would hope so ;3
<IceKarma> otherwise that's some pretty specific interference
<astex> anyone ever heard a bopit when the batteries are almost dead?
<MavericGamer> astex: you mean when it sounds possessed?
<astex> MavericGamer: yep
<jonty-comp> it doesn't even HAVE A SLIDER THING OMG
<drlemon> hahaha
<jonty-comp> THERE ARE NO BUTTONS OR SLIDERS

#647 ⇧ (+51/-26) ⇩
<xkcd> I just like the idea of doing shots of Jello.
<_LSK_> just [photos of] jello, against a white background?
<xkcd> _LSK_: I actually mean firing it out of a cannon

#7786 ⇧ (+273/-128) ⇩
<numberz> htf do you spell courier?
<snark> like that
<numberz> the country
<Eule> ...
<Eule> Korea?
<numberz> ah thank you

#528 ⇧ (+59/-55) ⇩
*** pentachoron is now known as I.
*** mrmanme is now known as you.
* I happen to think that everybody is an idiot
maLLee: hahhaha
* you would think that, wouldn't you?

#406 ⇧ (+1993/-430) ⇩
< Coldcell_> actually, my neck clicks _really_ badly sometimes, but it doesn't hurt or anything
< Coldcell_> and in martial arts class one day some guy headlocks me
< Coldcell_> and it does this massive POP
< Coldcell_> so I go limp
< deadfool> nice
< Coldcell_> and the guy is almost crying

#2051 ⇧ (+28/-24) ⇩
<@relsqui> <_< rule of thumb: if you have reason to suspect I'm working on it
<@relsqui> and you get a php error
<@relsqui> give it a minute
<@relsqui> *g*

#5458 ⇧ (+81/-31) ⇩
<zigdon> defaults set to 10% and 50%, and added a way to adjust these while they're running.
<Randall> What's 50%?
<creature> 50% is half.
<Randall> :8|
<Randall> That's me peering over my glasses at you.
<Randall> Sternly.

#9754 ⇧ (+37/-24) ⇩
< Slava> if someone is a certain personality types and hates another personality type, it might be because of their types, not because one of them is a bad person
<@Shrdlu> Slava: you mean like how I'm a Pisces and you're an essentialist

#7155 ⇧ (+73/-35) ⇩
<theleica> I'll just start sharpening knives around her
<whiskeyish> theleica: if it comes down to court, bad idea.
<theleica> And start muttering to myself.
<ra> just be careful, she might start sharpening some axes around you...
<theleica> Then I'll just start sharpening guns around her.

#9253 ⇧ (+22/-23) ⇩
< rkm> has anyone used one of those sleep assistant apps on android?
< Jax184> rkm: what do they do?
< rkm> Jax184: as I understand it, you leave your phone on the bed and they use the accelerometer to see how much and when you move during the night
< Jax184> hmm
< rkm> because a lot of people wake up briefly in the night and don't remember it?
< LordOfWhales> rkm, because for most people restlessness is cyclical
< LordOfWhales> rkm, so you say "i want to wake up between 5 and 6" and it can tell when you're closest to awake already
< rkm> I was just wondering a) if these things work and b) which one is best
< rkm> but i figure i'll just download some with good rating and have a test
< rkm> whoah, that was 2 perfectly equal-length lines that both end with est
< LordOfWhales> rkm, that's cool
< Hodapp> uhm, 3 lines, I think
< rkm> ... I did it again.
< rcombs> rkm: yeah, you did
< rkm> that's somewhat unsettling

#10889 ⇧ (+293/-298) ⇩
<XanT> Hmm, trying to think of what I can use my pigscuit barrel for. I dont have enough biscuits to necessitate a barrel, and Im not sure what else to do with it.
<XanT> Maybe sweets, though I tend to eat them very rapidly.
<XanT> The problem is, its entirely opaque. If I could see what was in it itd probably be much more useful.
<XanT> Socks! I could use it for socks. I dont care what socks I grab.
<tbo> XanT: what are you talking about?
<Bucket> salted biscuits, of course

#8261 ⇧ (+37/-35) ⇩
* McAfreak gives bucket morality
* Bucket hands McAfreak a condom in exchange for morality

#588 ⇧ (+126/-53) ⇩
<cctoide> I think I need a search engine for my Firefox tabs.

#10373 ⇧ (+53/-44) ⇩
<alexxerth> I'm taking all online classes this semester, and for some reason they are a lot easier than in person classes
<Lisimba> It's because of the chairs.
<alexxerth> oh
<Lisimba> See, in person classes are invariably on shit chairs in lecture rooms. The cheapest chairs they could get away with.
<Lisimba> You can do online classes wherever you want though, so naturally you'd pick a place where you'd sit comfortably.
<Lisimba> And as you can see in any full body anatomical diagram, the ass is the opposite of the head.
<Lisimba> If the ass is not comfortable, the head can not do proper work.
<Lisimba> They're connected via the spine after all.
<alexxerth> Makes sense to me.
<Lisimba> You only have a limited capacity for dealing with uncomfort and pressure and if the ass takes it all up the head will not get a turn.
<Ferris> and if your head is uncomfortable...

#10074 ⇧ (+98/-54) ⇩
< phyphor> the sooner we can have implanted terminals with data connections the better, so we can do away with that whole "voice" and "accent" thing
< phyphor> sure, we lose the ability to convey sarcasm, but when is /that/ ever useful?
< Coast> phyphor, why would we lose the ability to convey sarcasm
< Coast> have you never seen sarcasm over IRC?
< Coast> cuz I have
<@relsqui> ..........
< Coast> it's a bit tougher, true, but it is still possible

#4939 ⇧ (+53/-31) ⇩
<matt-> xkcdb.com looks even better in elinks.
<matt-> Dammit wrong channel.
<matt-> :/
<matt-> ^This never happened. I order it to be purged from the Internet.

#10699 ⇧ (+169/-172) ⇩
<multiplexd> the next intel cpu vuln is out of the bag now
<pikhq> Is it that certain audio tones anywhere near the CPU will make the CPU boot into LOLNSAHAXXORZ OS?
<multiplexd> pikhq: i think you're breaking embargo by mentioning that specific one; i'm otherwise referring to the lazy FPU context switching side channel
<pikhq> multiplexd: LOL

#10110 ⇧ (+99/-80) ⇩
<@IceKarma> the under the hood part doesn't matter, because the experience should hide it
<@IceKarma> but they're letting implementation details leak out on you because they were lazy
< Snowyowl> right, that's the important bit
< Snowyowl> your app should look impressive and flawless, not shouting "PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE SPAGHETTI CODE BEHIND THE CURTAIN"
< Snowyowl> I AM iOS, THE GREAT AND POWERFUL

#2441 ⇧ (+98/-67) ⇩
<@khmer> i'm for contra dancing
<@khmer> you might say i'm contrapositive
-!- khmer was kicked from #xkcd by Shrdlu [You might call this contrapuntal.

#1325 ⇧ (+22/-29) ⇩
<Katrie> CRIMSON NOSE TEARS.

#7362 ⇧ (+42/-33) ⇩
<@fantasyprone> suddenly I wanna bake cookies
<@fantasyprone> oh well I will work on my assignment
<@fantasyprone> then make penises
< Jello_Raptor> fantasyprone: s/cookies/penises/
<@fantasyprone> s/penises/cookies/
<@fantasyprone> what
<@fantasyprone> OH GOD I CAN SEE FOREVER

#8936 ⇧ (+47/-27) ⇩
< AntiLuke> Neil Armstrong died?
< Bucket> "Neil Armstrong Died" would make a good name for a band.
* relsqui facepalms
< Katana> Bucket: TOO SOON

#4202 ⇧ (+25/-26) ⇩
19:16:06 < magcius> Bucket, shut up...
19:16:07 < Bucket> Okee doke, magcius, I'll be back in #xkcd in 60s
19:16:10 < magcius> Bucket, rule 34

#7976 ⇧ (+74/-30) ⇩
* mewyn jams an Adventure cartridge into atari2600a
<atari2600a> the fuck did I just get laid?

#9096 ⇧ (+44/-25) ⇩
<Cheez> Good day
<Bucket> Good day Cheez, I'm tracking you inbound from 347 degrees at 27,000 - turn left to 83 degrees and ascend to 31,000.
<etta> Did bucket just go all ATC on us?
<schwal> Wait, left to 83? That's like a 3/4rs turn.
<etta> Did bucket just go all malicious ATC on us?

#10707 ⇧ (+231/-183) ⇩
* eezo puts non-optional noise in Bucket
* Bucket now contains non-optional noise.
<eezo> disabling any kinds of beeps and whatnot are the first thing i disable on a fresh os install
* nobody beeps
* eezo disables nobody
* nobody sad
<eezo> there are few things that i hate more than various beeps and bleeps and whatnot that computers make
<eezo> ugh
<nobody> do you... have any feelings about the old 56k modem carrier tones?
<eezo> yes. I don't miss them in the slightest.
* nobody gives eezo a 10 hour modem sounds vaporwave mix
* eezo donates nobody a stabbing
<jglauche> nobody deserves a stabbing!

#374 ⇧ (+69/-60) ⇩
<emwork> Bucket learns quickly
<Bucket> emwork: I do not understand

#4290 ⇧ (+38/-23) ⇩
snark: also I will probably not graduate because my professors will be mean. Wait, is there an #xkcd-emo I should be in instead?
IgnisInCaelum: There's #lonely
snark: IgnisInCaelum: there are people in there

#1346 ⇧ (+44/-31) ⇩
<Tiara> scoobysnack
<ScoobyDoo> :D

#9575 ⇧ (+53/-31) ⇩
Ian: like Civ actually
Bucket: "Like Civ Actually" would be a nice name for a band.
Ian: no it wouldn't
Bucket: "No It Wouldn't" would be a good name for a band.
Ian: OH MY GOD BUCKET

#5919 ⇧ (+41/-29) ⇩
<jessica> getting married is fun. you get to piss off all of your relatives in a single day. it's hard to do that otherwise, short of being arrested at a family reunion for incest.

#7521 ⇧ (+69/-30) ⇩
<Dementex> i had him in a box next to my chair
<Dementex> he just stopped breathing and this really sucks
* IceKarma hugs Dementex tight, trying to not cry.
<Dementex> i cant stop crying man
<IceKarma> but now, men arouse you?
<claime> IceKarma, wtf?
<IceKarma> erm, wrong window >.<
<@postmodern> that's going right to the qdb

#8204 ⇧ (+31/-23) ⇩
<+hexium> are you suggesting there's going to be an xkcd movie, and it's not going to be very good?
<+Palomides> no, but it wouldn't be good if there was one :p
<+goodger> I would think that an #xkcd comic would just be transformers
<+goodger> robots doing inane things for several hours while the humans can't get a word in
<+goodger> an #xkcd-signal comic would be the opening titles, a black screen for 118 minutes and then the credits

#7433 ⇧ (+44/-38) ⇩
<LeEris> I was so happy when I found the hugs programming environment, but really sad when after using it I found it makes me want hugs, not gives me them :<
<LeEris> "Haskell. It makes you want hugs."
<Feriority> "Haskell: You'll need hugs before you're done."
<LeEris> "Haskell. Hugs won't help, but you won't want to do it without."
<JoeBrain> "Haskell: Yet another language you'd feel cool by learning"

#2207 ⇧ (+29/-20) ⇩
< Geekthras> oh hey where is shoofle going to college?
< Geekthras> was it revealed last episode?
< Geekthras> I missed it

#1576 ⇧ (+38/-25) ⇩
< femmebot> awww, relsqui, if i never manage to get married and have kids, i'll code a bot
<@relsqui> you could code the bot first, for practice
<@relsqui> that would really explain zigdon, actually

#10229 ⇧ (+75/-66) ⇩
< Bucket> Sony uses the xkcd method of random number generation.
< sammi> int getRandomNumber() { return 4; } lololol
< djh> chosen by fair dive roll
< djh> dice*
< taixzo> I like "fair dive roll" better
< taixzo> it calls to mind a team of gymnasts hired to produce random numbers from judges' scores

#229 ⇧ (+363/-173) ⇩
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< Glench> uh oh

#5256 ⇧ (+58/-32) ⇩
< LogicalDash> Johnny: What is the conversion rate between Johnny Cash and American dollars?

#7622 ⇧ (+79/-27) ⇩
<spooky> why do people drink? i don't see the appeal

<spooky> damn it, i feel like i should be more affectionate with my girlfriend
<spooky> like, i want to be
<spooky> but i overthink it
<spooky> ._.
<Velociraptors> That's why people drink

#5172 ⇧ (+80/-157) ⇩
<TheMiNd> Yo dog we heard you like your mom jokes so we put our dick inside your mom....

#7020 ⇧ (+56/-23) ⇩
< Potassium> botsnack
< Bucket> D:
<%billygoat> :D
< flyingferret> :D
< Potassium> :D
< massina> :D
< MorseCodePython> :D
< Nikolai> :D
< antonfire> :D
< hooloo> :-D
< Potassium> :D
< wsa> wheeeeee
< massina> D:
MorseCodePython> D:
< Potassium> D:
<@snark> billygoat: stopword botsnack
<%billygoat> Okay, next person to say 'botsnack' gets kickbanned.
< Potassium> :D
< antonfire> :D
-!- mode/#xkcd [+m] by snark
<@snark> don't do that
-!- mode/#xkcd [-m] by snark
< massina> :/
< Potassium> =[
< antonfire> :(
< MorseCodePython> :(

#1105 ⇧ (+61/-28) ⇩
<troupe176> and typing /quit <username> will place a vote for quitting someone in the channel. After 5 votes they are logged out.
*** troupe176 has been kicked from the channel by zigdon (sometimes they get logged out immediately).

#8849 ⇧ (+56/-41) ⇩
-*- Bucket pokes snark
-*- snark pokes Bucket
-*- Bucket pokes snark
<-* snark has kicked Bucket from #xkcd (snark-ed)
--> Bucket (bucket@carabiner.peeron.com) has joined #xkcd
<mjr> what happen
<Bucket> Someone set up us the Fredd.
-*- puddle pokes snark
-*- snark pokes puddle
-*- puddle pokes snark.
<puddle> ...five times.
<-* snark has kicked puddle from #xkcd (snark-ed)
--> puddle (44345633@hide-B64552F4.mibbit.com) has joined #xkcd
-*- puddle sits back down.

#303 ⇧ (+212/-96) ⇩
* xkcd touches Socket7
< Socket7> thats not my shoulder...
< xkcd> that's not my hand

#5225 ⇧ (+9/-13) ⇩
Antagonist: Hmm... yess... I shall create a warforged artificer
zombine: And I a lich necromancer!
Truth: Now that is a bit sick
Truth: Going to 'upgrade' your party members while they sleep? :P
zombine: lol who wouldn't feel better when they didn't have to eat or sleep, and on top of that had giant adamantine spider legs grafted onto their zombie hips?
zombine: We could even make something else out of the old legs!
Truth: lol

#6619 ⇧ (+60/-23) ⇩
< Spi_Waterwing> You guys know how Shakespeare is like sex, right?
< problem-attic> Spi_Waterwing: shakespeare is better than about a third of the sex I've had
< Spi_Waterwing> problem-attic: hah
< Spi_Waterwing> OK, Shakespeare professor has given this lecture a couple of times
< Spi_Waterwing> Shakespeare is like sex. All of your life, you hear about how great it is...
< Spi_Waterwing> and the first time, it's kind of awkward... you have to keep pausing and looking up words
< Spi_Waterwing> There have been plenty of books written on it
< Spi_Waterwing> but it's much more interesting to do for yourself
< Spi_Waterwing> and even better if you get some friends to join in

#4481 ⇧ (+26/-50) ⇩
< Selig> I AM FRIENDAS WITH GAYS I AM NOIT HOMOPGHONE