#371 ⇧ (+1347/-496) ⇩
khmer: so, i have a bit of a story to tell about last night's party
barnaby: which bit?
khmer: my friends jeff and andrew call me and say, we're hitting up this house party on capitol hill, and i go, fine
khmer: i get there and know nobody; andrew knows the birthday girl, that's about it
khmer: the hosts are a pair of mid-20s IT workers from japan, and 80% of the guest list is japanese exchange students, around my age
khmer: most of them FOB or close, going to various schools in the area
khmer: their english is pretty good but heavily accented and not high on vocabulary
khmer: they're dressed trendy, lots of denim, hair highlights, you get the idea
creature: Does this story end with you seducing someone?
khmer: swarms of japanese girls, and you know, i just automatically think they probably have relatively innocent schoolgirl sensibilities; too much western entertainment i guess
khmer: but we're out on the balcony smoking and then being openly asked about the size of our dicks
prozac: bwahahahaahahahaha
khmer: 'oh, miyuki and me, we knowww tall boys! hee hee hee!'
zylche: squelch..
khmer: 'i want to stay in seattle parliamentary'
khmer: 'what?'
khmer: 'parliamentary!'
khmer: 'like, forever!'
khmer: 'but it's very hard, you know, visa, and green card'
khmer: 'oh you mean permanently! ah, i see'
khmer: 'yes,' says miho, 'long time, lots of paperwork'
khmer: i nod sympathetically, she says 'or i could marry someone!'
Coldcell: send her over.
khmer: i know, right? but jeff and andrew and i don't flirt overtly, because we're off balance a bit, this has all come as a bit of a surprise, and we're afraid of a huge cultural misunderstanding
Coldcell: khmer, that's a 'bow' not an invite to unzip
prozac: khmer, there was a huge cutural misunderstanding
prozac: japanese arent puritianical like western society.
khmer: like, we were afraid we'd end up in the bedroom, we're like, yes, score, inside-the-park, and she would, i dunno, pull out hungry hungry hippos as we were getting our pants offf
Coldcell: hahaa
khmer: so, yes, considering among other things the cultural gaps you two are pointing out, we made sure not to flirt with anyone heavily
Coldcell: 'oh, I totally play HH in the nude, don't you know Americans?'
khmer: but we definitely get real full of ourselves
khmer: we end up sitting inside in front of like 12 japanese kids, doing stupid elementary school tricks
khmer: like, jeff played the william tell overture with his mouth, i opened a beer can with a lighter
khmer: THUNDEROUS APPLAUSE EVERY TIME
khmer: we recited the who's on first routine
khmer: RIOTOUS LAUGHTER
Ephphatha: opening a beer can with a lighter?
khmer: we could do no wrong! it made me understand why has-been bands go play japan!
khmer: beer bottle, that is
khmer: excuse me
khmer: you know, absence of verbal humor, we're like...
khmer: getting peals of laughter from making shapes with our tongues
khmer: 'look! a tube!'
khmer: so i get a quarter out of my pocket and i grab miyuki, who is heartbreakingly gorgeous
prozac: I'm wondering about how you didn't get laid after all this....
khmer: i press the quarter to my forehead, it sticks there, i hit myself in the back of the head twice, it falls off
khmer: she understands
khmer: so, i press it to her forehead, and, you guys know the trick, right? i remove it as i pull my hand away
khmer: enthusiastically, she begins hitting herself in the back of the head
khmer: one time...two times...three...harder...harder...HARDER
khmer: TWELVE TIMES
khmer: she's getting FURIOUS
khmer: another party guest comes into the room
khmer: she yells something at him in japanese, glares
khmer: he's like...uh...are you...are you sure?
khmer: it's gonna hurt real bad
khmer: she nods frantically
Ephphatha: you're mean
khmer: Ephphatha i was BEGGING her to feel her forehead with her hand
khmer: after like the sixth smack
khmer: she wouldn't LISTEN
khmer: i was FLIPPING THE QUARTER IN MY HAND
khmer: LOOK MIYUKI IT'S THE QUARTER
khmer: MIYUKI STOP THIS
khmer: so she demands that this dude hit her
khmer: and he does
khmer: so hard she FALLS OVER
Ephphatha: hahaha
khmer: gets up, and looks mortified
khmer: she heard no quarter drop
khmer: so i grab her and put her hand on her forehead
khmer: realization breaks out over her face
khmer: her eyes widen, and then
khmer: she JAMS ME INTO A CORNER AND BEATS THE SHIT OUT OF ME
khmer: i'm cowering for my LIFE
khmer: she's screaming and hitting me with closed fists, REALLY HARD
Ephphatha: I'm nearly pissing myself laughing at this
khmer: so, i notice after a few seconds of this
khmer: the blows are falling softer and less often
khmer: she's...she's laughing! ha! all is forgiven!
khmer: the room begins to chuckle, the trance recedes
khmer: then she stops DEAD SILENT
khmer: spins around and GLARES at the guy who hit her really hard
khmer: and BEATS THE FUCK OUT OF HIM
khmer: KICKS, PUNCHES
khmer: he's MOANING FOR MERCY
khmer: her friends have to restrain her
khmer: and then suddenly she BURSTS OUT LAUGHING and laughs for like THREE MINUTES
shoofle: that's a great story
khmer: and then she turns to me and says 'you like jazz?'
creature: Congratulations! You pulled a crazy girl.
khmer: ...the end
prozac: khmer, she'd do wild things to you in the bedroom.
Ephphatha: ok, if I EVER go to a party with you, you're not allowed to have any coins
prozac: Ephphatha, you should give him several
khmer: prozac: i thought about trying to bag her, but...i had a magic:the gathering tournament in the morning
prozac: just dont hit anyone in the back of the head
Coldcell: khmer, you're a living legend